feelings don’t bother me. it’s not the emotions, i don’t mind them. i am alright with the aching, the overwhelming sadness, the hurting that becomes almost physical. those i can handle; i’ve been in a state of general melancholy for so long now and without apparent reason that it is almost comforting to return to it after a period of stark and trembling happiness. the thoughts on the other hand — they are the ones that torment me. i would give anything to stop them, to turn my brain off, to wipe it clean of anything relating to you. instead i am haunted by reliving every memory, even the ones i had forgotten, remembering moments, trying to answer unanswerable questions. the days are endless, the nights even longer.
i am not okay.
